30 days of happiness :: 6

Snuggle-y beds...

and soft places to rest our heads...

*above our bed is our marriage vows that everyone at our wedding signed, and a heart painting that Alex painted for me ♥

30 days of happiness :: 6

Giving into my sweet tooth just a little bit...
Eating a small scoop (larger scoops seem to happen right before bed for some reason) of chocolate ice cream in the middle of the day... in my wonderful handmade cup by Pink Kiss.

Just because.

30 days of happiness :: 5

For this tiny bit of fabric called panties:
We went to target and got some "Big Girl Panties" this past week. "Like Gita, and Nim, and Kessy!" Lili will promptly add.
She has been using her little potty for months now, but she didn't have much control over #2. Then about 2 weeks ago she announced to me that she went "Poo poos in the potty!", and she brought it to me like a prize. We made a huge deal of it and fed her marshmallows... and she has been going diaper less around the house ever since. I was trying to think if the lack of dealing with poopy diapers has been joyful~ and I realized I usually equate joy with something I do have rather than something I don't~ but it only takes a second of contemplation to realize that yes, It brings me joy.She loves her new panties, and she parades around the house in only her new panties much of the day.
Today she pulled her underwear up as high as they could possibly go and then kept peeking inside them. I kept asking her what she was doing? and what was in there? and she wouldn't respond. Then a couple minutes later I heard her whispering to herself "button. shhhhh.... night night".
I said "your belly button?"
and she replied "night-night belly button" and pulled her underwear up over her belly again... tucking in her own belly button. And then she patted it.

30 days of happiness :: 4

Our goats and the fresh milk they give us...

30 days of happiness :: 3

Joy = Baby with a blinking heartbeat:
As you can see, everything went very well today. ♥
In retrospect now it seems like maybe I was overreacting by how devastated I felt yesterday. Although it is a serious concern to not hear it at 13 weeks, it does happen. A lot of things I read as reasons you may not be able to hear the heartbeat (such as a tilted uterus or a placenta in the way) seemed void since I had heard the heartbeat at 10 weeks, so I really went straight to the worst case scenario, while Alex really was focused on the best case one. And he got his way, and I am happy. He also wasn't in the room when my midwife was trying to find the baby though... I started to cry today after the ultrasound technician said the baby looked great. I had been thinking that maybe I wasn't an overly emotional pregnant woman this time around (you know, crying at commercials ect. ) but, the last 24 hours have made me think different.

I never had an ultrasound with Lili, so it was fun to see the baby, and see it moving around. Don't you like the second picture of our little alien baby? We thought it looked either like an evil monkey or an Alice Cooper type alien. Or... Maybe it is a Grateful dead-head baby... None are very babyish images, but I am sure by the time it arrives it will have toned down it's hard-coreness ;)

Anyhow, thank you all for your good thoughts from the bottom of my emotional-train-wreck-heart.

30 days of happiness :: 2

The people who are right here holding me together.

I am having a hard time with day two of happiness. It has been a very hard day today. I had a prenatal apt. with my midwives today; I am 13 weeks 3 days pregnant. They have a nice corner of toys in the waiting room that Lili was having fun with. So when it came time to go into the office room for my apt. Lili didn't want to come in. My midwife said it would be fine if she went back and forth between the waiting room and the exam room. So, Jan and I talked for a minute or two with the door open and then I peeked out to see how Lili was doing.
She was gone. I started looking in all the obvious places and then Jan and the receptionist started looking too. The receptionist found her out in the parking lot about 10 feet from the busy road. Somehow she had opened the heavy solid wood door and closed it behind her, and was headed toward the road. When we got back to the exam room to continue with my prenatal (and Jan had double locked the door) I was already shaking and holding back a flood of tears. The adrenaline that came with picturing what could have been was so intense...

A couple minutes after that Jan went to listen to the baby's heartbeat with the doppler... and she couldn't find it. We had easily heard it 3 weeks ago, but today there was only the swish of my pulse filling up the room. She tried twice and still nothing. At this stage you should be able to hear the heartbeat. I have an ultrasound first thing in the morning to see what is going on; but in the meantime while I wait, this day has been one of limbo and heavy thoughts...
So either our baby is gone, or I have two little Houdinis.

Alex and Lili have been bringing me as much joy and stability as is possible today.
XXX

30 days of happiness :: 1

The last couple months have been a very introverted time for me. I have done very little art, barely kept the house at an acceptable level of cleanliness, and have been out of touch with some of my closest friends. Although I am harboring this incredible joy at growing a life inside me, the dark side of this time has been a lingering sadness and a lot of self reflection.
As if on cue, as I have officially stepped into my 2nd trimester I feel some of this inactivity, sadness, and tiredness slip from my shoulders. I have found myself desiring to blog again, scrubbing the kitchen sink to a sparkling state, and looking up interesting recipes to cook for dinner. I have been thinking about my art supplies longingly again too...
So in celebration of this change I will be following in one of my dear friend's footsteps by blogging each day for 30 days about something that brings joy to my daily life.
Here is #1.
The many crayon drawings that now hang on our fridge make me so happy. Oftentimes our little left handed artist collaborates with her dad as you can see in the picture to the left. I have always been in love with the inhibition of children creating art... and now I am lucky enought to experience it daily!

mushrooms

We went for a family walk yesterday and found all of these amazing mushrooms within a couple of miles from our house. I wish I knew more about them, they are so beautiful and mysterious...

making funny faces at dinner

recipe box

I don't know why I don't have a recipe box.
I have loose recipes stuffed in every cookbook and all over the place. This is a perfect example of how I should have gotten my life organized long ago~ I could have just gone out and gotton a cheap box and some index cards to go inside. But instead, I have this image of making a hand crafted box with special illustrated recipe cards... and this holds me back from just making the practical choice.
But, I found THIS recipe box with letter pressed cards created by 1canoe2 on Esty and I thought it was super cute.
Of course, I will probably still hold out for making my own box, but this would make me happy too...

lilikoi

and another...

3.5" x 5"

Do you see the brown, patterned paper below the bird in this piece? I found it in an old decaying trunk in the small barn at the end of our road. I will have to take a picture of this falling down out building sometime soon to show you. This is where the postal workers drop off any packages for anyone living on our dirt road. It is very Appalachian style... And right in front of where they leave our packages is the trunk. It is exposed to the weather, and caving in on one side. Technically it is stealing I guess to take some of the paper that lined it, but this trunk is waaay beyond repair. I think most people would think I was crazy for how excited I was after I peeled a little section away. I don't know, I just have this deep love for old wallpaper and anything that shows the layers and wear and tear of life. I can always "weather" something new to look layered and old~ but it is never half as good as the real thing.

another small collage

3.5" x 5"

making it possible

3.5" x 5" collage/painting

Pip