I woke up with an indecisive bug today. I stood at the kitchen counter with two cookbooks and the Internet browser open debating what to make for breakfast.
Should it be savory? Should it be pancakes? Or french toast sounds good... oh no, actually not enough bread. Okay, waffles. No, maybe Alex will want eggs. Eggs and beans. No puffy pancakes. Oh pumpkin muffins sound good- oh right, no pumpkin... blueberry muffins? couldn't find the right recipe before my brain switched gears...okay then, it is decided: cornmeal pancakes.
I ended up making scrambled veggie, cheese, and egg wrapped in a flour tortilla. It was very good, but the indecision followed me around like a new puppy today. I wanted to take advantage of the weekend and go on an adventure... Only I couldn't decide what. I felt sad.
It is this time of year. It seems like it brings about a reflection period for me. It was four years ago that my friend Lucas died in a bicycle accident. It was three years ago that hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans. It is also this time as summer is winding down and my birthday is right around the corner which gives me pause. I went through the gamut of downer thoughts today. I miss Lucas. I miss Sparrow (our dead cat) I haven't written important thank-you letters, I haven't put anything in Lili's baby book in months, Why is homesteading so hard sometimes? (our pump died today which = no running water and back to hauling our water in a 5 gallon jug), why do our shelves look so cluttered, Why is my brain so cluttered...
Because of this, Alex, Lili, and I picked up and drove off to town in the middle of my self-pity-party. We ran some errands, had a great dinner with my sister and Dave, and slowly the funk I had been trying to shake off all day wore off. I felt freedom from my indecisiveness as we were driving home. It was finally exactly where I wanted to be.
The route home is 10 miles of hairpin turns that leads you up and over the Eastern Continental Divide. It was sprinkling out, and I was the one driving our big truck. The smell of rain was coming in through the air vent, and Lili was asleep in her car seat. Three perfect songs came on the radio in a row~ and I felt it was a good sign... A Stevie Ray-Vaughn song, "Angel from Montgomery" by John Prine (but the Bonnie Raitt version), and "Thick as a Brick by Jethro Tull. That combination: Me leading the big truck through the wet dark night, the music, and Alex and I singing along... It was decidedly a very nice moment.
Here is Lili, watching the rain out our window...*also, don't forget to put your name in for my giveaway! (details here)
3 comments:
I am glad to know that other people have those moments. I know what you mean. I was in a kind of funk today too... Must be that changing of the seasons and the other reasons you mentioned. Speaking of your birthday... I have been thinking about it too :-) A big one :-) Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Love you!
Holy Cow! Thanks for the reminder, Erin, that it's a BIG ONE!!! I've been thinking about it to, but not paying much attention to the year! :) Ooo, this is going to be fun!
And I'm sorry that you were down today. Kathleen Norris, one of my favorite authors, refers to that listlessness as ACEDIA. It's an old word, but a good one...
i'm so glad to hear that i'm not the only one that catches that blasted "indecisive bug":)
what a lovely post about your allowing it to be what it was and your witnessing and allowing it to melt away...with a few good songs, the rain,and a windy ride...
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